For many people, the first holiday following a divorce brings about many challenges that they didn't have before. This is especially true if there are children involved. For everyone, it is important that you have coping strategies in place that will not only allow you to get through the holidays, but to do so with your mental health still intact.
No Matter Which Camp Are You In, You Are Not Alone
If you are like some who have experienced a divorce this year, there are several ways that you may look at your experience.
- Camp #1: It is number one on your list of things that you are thankful for during this holiday season.
- Camp #2: It is the hardest thing that you have ever been through.
- Camp #3: It really has not had any significant impact on you one way or another.
No matter which of these camps you are in, it is important to know that you are not alone. Holidays can often bring about, or even magnify feelings of being alone, but this is not true. There are hundreds of millions of people who are going through the same things that you are going through.
In 2011, approximately 877,000 people experienced either a divorce or an annulment. If you are experiencing feelings of being alone, depressed, or feeling abandoned, seek professional help.
There are some really great divorce support groups in most major cities. If you do not want to participate in a group in person, considering participating in a group online. You can find some great resources at divorcecare.org. By participating in a support group, you will be able to acknowledge and work through your feelings, instead of denying them only to have them to resurface time and time again.
Hibernation Is For Bears, Not For You
No matter how hard it is to accept social invitations during the holidays, you must force yourself to at least accept a few of them even if you only participate for a short period of time. Do not feel like you have to spend the evening explaining what happened to your relationship. That really is no one's business except for yours.
Come up with a pat answer to give when someone asks where your former spouse is. The funnier the better. Not only will this keep you from feeling like you have to explain, but it will keep them from digging any deeper.
If you encounter your ex at some of the holiday celebrations, they should see you having the time of your life. Letting them know that there is life after a divorce is the best revenge that you can get. Remember for the sake of your family and friends, this is not the place nor the time to hash out any unresolved issues that the two of you may have.
Replace Old Traditions With New
This is the perfect time to create new traditions surrounding the holidays. Traditions are simply things that you choose to repeat again at another time. There are no rules that say you can't start new ones, or even end those that have been in place forever. Take the time to focus on the things that are important to you, and to your children if they are involved.
Take the focus off you by giving your time to those in need. Extend the opportunity to your family and friends. There are plenty of places that are looking for people to volunteer during the holidays. Not only will this help out the organization, but you will walk away feeling much better than you walked in. Volunteering will also teach your family the importance of giving back to their communities.
Take Care Of Yourself Before Attempting To Take Care Of Others
It is very easy any time of the year to fail to take care of yourself. During the holidays make this a special priority. Consider this your gift to you.
Make a concentrated effort to eat better, get more rest, and to engage in some type of physical exercise.. Getting more exercise during the holiday season will not only make you physically healthier, but it can make you mentally healthier as well. Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural stress relievers. Your body can always benefit from less stress, during, as well as after of the holiday season.
