Getting divorced is hard on everyone in the family, but there is no reason for your kids to feel stuck in the middle of you and your soon-to-be ex throughout the process. You can protect your kids and minimize the impact your divorce has on them with the help of these effective methods:
Make Use of Mediation
Mediation is when you, your spouse, a neutral third party, and your family law attorney all sit down together to negotiate your split in the hopes of avoiding having to go to court. Mediators do not try to tell you what to do, but instead they help you come up with ideas and plans that make both parties happy in the end. Some of the things you can expect to accomplish in mediation include:
- Determining child custody and visitation schedules.
- Agreeing to asset distribution.
- Separation of financial responsibilities.
- Negotiating alimony payments.
As long as both parties are open to negotiation, you should be able to come to an agreement for the most important issues of your split. Making sure the kids remain a priority throughout the process is a great way to ensure that you stay on track and keep an open mind.
Deal With Your Spouse From Afar
Unfortunately it's always a lot easier to argue than laugh with your spouse in the middle of a divorce, and the bickering and emotional unrest can quickly have a negative impact on your kids. The best way to keep the kids out of your disagreements is to simply communicate with one another from afar. This is best done using detached forms of communication whenever possible such as:
- Write letters.
- Send text messages.
- Use your lawyers as the go-betweens.
- Send an email.
These detached types of communication provide less room for arguing, and also keeps your conversations to the point. When things do get heated, it is a lot easier to take some time to calm down before replying so that your emotions remain on an even keel.
Invest in Some Professional Support
It can be tough for the kids to confide in you or your spouse about your divorce because they may feel like they will hurt someone's feelings, or worse, have to choose sides. There are a few types of therapy available just for kids that can help them work through their emotions and start feeling good about the bond they still have with both parents. Consider one or more of these options:
- Play Therapy – Sessions involve the use of toys, blocks, and dolls that allow kids to discover their emotions through play scenarios.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy – Therapists work to improve anxiety and moods in children of all ages who are dealing with confused patterns of thinking.
- Group Therapy – Kids are offered the opportunity to gain peer support and to improve social skills while emotions are high.
Meeting with a therapist just once a week can be enough to keep your kids in a positive mindset and help to reduce the sea of emotions they display at home.
Make Communication a Priority with the Kids
An effective way to ensure that your relationship with your kids remain solid throughout your divorce is to keep communication wide open. Make sure that you are available to answer questions any time, no matter how uncomfortable those questions make you.
Take the time on a daily basis to ask your kids if they have concerns or questions they'd like to talk about, and make it a point to use a neutral tone whenever discussing their concerns about your divorce. This will ensure them that their feelings do matter and that their opinions are taken into account when making important family decisions that impact them and their lives.
Not everything will be perfect for your kids throughout your divorce, but these techniques will take some of the pressure off of everyone involved.
