Many lesbian couples depend on sperm donation to help them start their families. Unfortunately, things don't always go as planned, and sometimes sperm donors change their minds and want to be part of their children's lives. As you can imagine, this can be disruptive to the family and cause confusion and upset to the children involved. Here are a few tips for minimizing the risk of this situation happening to you.
Use Anonymous Donors
From a legal standpoint, the best option is to use an anonymous sperm donor. The anonymity barrier provides a lot of protection to both the receiver and the donor. Since the donor doesn't know who received his sperm, he cannot attempt to assert paternity at a later date, and the state cannot pursue him for child support, as has been known to happen in cases with known donors.
Additionally, most state laws automatically terminate the parental rights of anonymous sperm donors. So even if the donor was to somehow find out about the child, he would not have any legal standing to claim him or her.
Adhere to the Legal Requirements of Artificial Insemination
People who want to use sperm from known donors may be surprised to learn many states have laws that determine parental status based on how the artificial insemination occurred. For instance, in New Jersey, the parental rights of the donor will only be terminated if the insemination process is handled by a physician, as a lesbian couple learned. They used donor sperm and performed the insemination themselves at home. Since the procedure didn't adhere to state law, the biological fathers of their children were able to claim paternity and win visitation rights.
Consulting with a family attorney or conducting research online about the relevant state laws before using sperm from a known donor can save a lot of time and pain down the road.
Have a Written Donor Agreement
Using a written donor contract is smart for several reasons. First, the contract memorializes parental intentions at the time the parties agreed the donor's sperm would be used. As long as the behavior of the parents has largely been consistent with the terms of the contract, the courts will often force donors to adhere to the agreement. For instance, if the contract states the donor will have no contact with the child and the recipient mother consistently denied the donor's requests, then the court will likely uphold the agreement.
Secondly, a contract that clearly indicates the man is a sperm donor can sometimes be enough to trigger the state's relevant statutes and sever the person's parental rights. For example, in the Florida case Lamaritata v. Lucas, the language of the contract establishing the man as a donor led the judge to apply Florida's sperm donor statute and deny him visitation rights to the child fathered by his sperm.
Transfer Parental Rights Through Legal Adoption
Another strategy for preventing a known donor from asserting parental rights at a later date is to have him voluntarily terminate his rights and have the non-biological parent legally adopt the child. To be sure, this option is the most challenging to pull off.
In many states, courts will not terminate a parent's rights to a child without just cause. What is considered a just cause, however, is not always defined. Typically, adoption by a non-biological parent is usually acceptable. However, simply terminating the parental rights of a biological parent just to eliminate his financial and legal obligations (without adoption being on the table) may not fly since courts typically take the view that it is in the best interests of the child to have the support of both biological parents regardless of the family dynamics involved.
It may also be difficult to complete the adoption process depending on where you live. Although marriage between gay couples is now legal, many states still have laws on the books that impede their ability to adopt. If you live in such a state, you may need to either move or find alternative options to legally claim the child.
Using donor sperm to produce a child is fraught with complexity and landmines. It's essential that you consult with a family law attorney who can provide guidance that helps you get through the process unscathed. Click here to learn more about family law service in your area.
