When you're going through a divorce, your life is being split apart. This can be particularly tough when this split involves children. Although you might come to compromise with your soon-to-be-ex on many issues and assets, how you'll spend your time with your children and making decisions on their behalf aren't likely to be as easy.
Here are some compromises to help you develop joint custody decisions when you're going through a divorce.
Adjustable 3-4-4-3s
If you're striving for a 50-50 split of child custody, sometimes small details can create messy sticking points. For instance, if you arrange for custody of your children to alternate on a cycle of typically 3 days on, 4 days off, then 4 days on, 3 days off, you might not always be able to make the switch at the exact time specified by the agreement. Jobs, holidays, vacations, and unexpected emergencies can turn this 50-50 split into an unreasonable compromise that can heap additional stress and tension on already difficult situation.
Yearly Review
It's important to negotiate a clause to re-negotiate your 3-4-4-3 arrangement every year. Revisiting the terms of the custody agreement to make sure it's the best fit for you and your children can help you account for changing circumstance. An arbitrator (much cheaper than a lawyer) can serve as an intermediary to help you draw up the contract and help you settle disagreements.
Extended Holidays
Although you don't want to spend time away from your children during Christmas, they can't be in two places at once. Adjusting your 3-4-4-3 agreement to extend time over the holidays can allow you to travel and spend quality time (on an alternating basis) with your children. You can also use this extended holiday periods to shift the 3-4-4-3-cycle. For instance, if you want the custody shift to occur on Sunday and Wednesday during the school year but not during the summer, you can use a long weekend like Memorial Day to shift the pattern during the summer.
Long-Distance Visitation
In the event that your custody agreement gives primary custody to one parent and/or one parent lives a great distance from the child, you must consider the visitation process during your divorce negotiations.
Age-Adjusted
As your children age, they gain more independence and more of a say in where they spend their time. Your child custody agreement should build this maturation of sovereignty into the agreement. This can be particularly important when deciding long-distance visitation agreements. For instance, if your child isn't old enough to attend school at the time of the divorce, longer long-distance visitation planning might be perfectly acceptable. However, when your children are in school, their long-distance visits aren't as easily managed. Frequency and duration should be places of compromise. For instance, if you're the non-residential parent, you might find it better for your children and you to have your children visit less often but for greater durations. You can also negotiate for longer times during holidays, around birthdays, or for vacation purposes.
Time-Sharing Accountability
Many states have unique child custody statutes. Many, however, have started implementing time-sharing accountability checks. These checks can be monitored by both parties using a variety of 3rd party applications. These accounting systems can create oversight and objective around the child custody process. You can also use language in your final agreement to trigger a meeting if time imbalance develops. Before formally agreeing to any accounting system, it's important that both parties have access to the program, share the cost of the system, and stipulate actionable steps if an imbalance is consistently noted. Your lawyers can help you draw up ways to settle these imbalances when they occur.
Contact a divorce attorney at a firm like Katzman Logan Halper & Bennett for more information.
